Submit, Resist, Draw Near.

VOM Update

2007-05-17T13:57:00.001-04:00

PAKISTAN Muslim Radicals Introduce Anti-Christian Law; Christians Receive Threatening Letters – VOM Sources
The Voice of the Martyrs sources in Pakistan report that Muslim radicals have introduced a law in Parliament that any Muslim who converts to Christianity should be killed. Although the details are sketchy, intercede for this situation and ask God to move so this law does not go into effect. Pray God encourages Christians in Pakistan to be a witness for Him in spite of persecution.
CHARSADDA – On May 7, 2007, Christians in the Charsadda District received letters warning them to shut their churches and convert to Islam. The letter that set a 10-day deadline said, "All Christians should convert to Islam within 10 days or leave Charsadda. We will execute all of you if you don't convert to Islam." Copies of the handwritten letter were delivered to two churches and several Christian homes in Charsadda. Even though the police have been alerted, Christians in the area are concerned for their safety. A similar letter was delivered to believers in Mardan district. Pray God gives Christians in Charsadda courage to stand for Him. Ask for protection and peace to surround them during these uncertain times.Deuteronomy 31:6

2007-05-16T13:36:00.000-04:00

"Why can't my mother let me ruin my life in peace?"

Amen sista!

2007-03-07T16:45:00.001-05:00

"I would say to the House, as I said to those who have joined this Government: 'I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat." -Church Hill

Lovely!

2007-01-30T22:16:00.000-05:00

mom and me :)

How Turly a Nerd

2007-01-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

Me being the goof of the hour - and loving every minute of it!

I couldn't resist posting this pic after I found it in a really old album.

2007-01-28T00:32:00.000-05:00

While messing around with my blog today, I was looking through some pictures to use for backgrounds on National Geographic and found this article.

http://magma.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/afghangirl/index.html

The picture on the left was taken the year after I was born, and I didn't know it existed until I was around 5 or 6. When I first saw it I couldn't take my eyes off her, and nothing has changed. A friend of mine, who was born in Korea, painted a replica of the picture above. Sharbat is her name, and the photographer who took the original picture went back to Afghanistan in search of the girl he'd photographed years ago. She is now a woman possibly around 30, and is a mother now. I find that amazing! It's hard for me to see the picture on the left; you can tell she's been through it. For the last month I've been looking at Photography schools, and now I know for sure that this is something I want to pursue. How wonderful to be a part of someone’s life, and have them be a part of your's and watch the years bring change and hope!

Sharbat, I'm sure you will never read this, but thank you for letting Steve take your picture. You are a true hope and inspiration.

...more to come

Because I'm Worth It

2007-01-24T23:14:00.000-05:00

So tonight while browsing some Bali Bra sites (as I am in need of a new one) one link caught my eye, and so I acted as most curious people would - I clicked on it. This is the picture that popped up on my screen. It is a "nearly-me-padded panty," which helps enhance your ass incase God didn't bless you with "the great Brazilian wonder."

What I would like to know is, what happens when you've attracted enough attention that you are required to take them off? Let's not underestimate the power of creativity.

...more to come

2007-01-21T15:24:00.000-05:00

I remember when I broke up with my boyfriend, the first thing I could think of to say was, "I'm sorry, you and I are just not right for each other." His reply was a smirk and a sigh, and there was a long pause before he finally said - "Ya know, you are a pro. It feels like you have done this before." I never knew how to respond to that. Logging into my email today, this article caught my eye and reading it brought back a flood of memories I'm not sure I was ready for.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7132&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=8953

How do you know if you loved someone? I was definitely not ready to die for this person, and honestly thought at some point he might shed his skin and reveal the demon boy he'd been hiding for weeks. I do know the pain of me braking up with him hurt more then if he had said, "its over." He was mortified that I was the girl dumping the guy, and he said plainly he had never been so embarrassed. We sat on a bench by the river, waiting for another couple and their dogs to leave so we could talk. He knew what was coming; the tension in the air voiced that loud and clear. I found out later, he had planned to brake up with me after semesters end; I had obviously beaten him to the punch - and only one week after we celebrated our 40 day anniversary.

I'm not sure why, but by the time I was ready to brake up with him I was also ready to kill the guy. He reminded me too much of my Dad, we were so much alike that it was freaky, and everything he did seemed to get under my skin; I can't imagine how he felt about me.

One of the points in the article was to have a breakup buddy...I never did. That would have helped in a huge way. My heart was definitely smashed, hell I can't even right this without holding back tears. There hasn't been a day in two years that I haven't played some aspect of our relationship in my head, just for review, for analysis sake. That fact has raised the question about rebound relationships; are they right, should they even happen...is it fair to the other person? I've been pondering this for almost a year trying to figure out if it's a viable option. In the meanwhile, I've stayed as far away from men as possible in the event that I might slip and wake up some place I shouldn't be. Aside from moral right and wrong, where is the line drawn between finding consolation and remaining tormented over a possible love you can't let go of? Post-semi bad relationship, what are the rules for getting off the bench and back on the field?

There is a scene in the move, "Something’s Gotta Give," - which by the way got me through the ice cream and tissue stage of the brake up - where the daughter and mother are sitting on the beach stairs; I personally call the scene, "Taking advice."

Daughter Marin: "So now you get my theory about love? You gotta self protect."

Mom: Erica: "Do you really believe all that bull shit you say? Listen to me... you cannot hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out and maybe you'll become unglued. That's not a way to live"

Marin: So you're telling me you're happy right now? This is good what happened to you?

Erica: "No. This was bad. But for the three days it was good, it was electrifying. I think you must consider the possibility that we are more alike than you realize. I let someone in and I had the time of my life.

Marin: (tearful) "I've never had the time of my life."

Erica: "I know bubbee, I say this from the deepest part of my heart. ...what... are you waiting for?"

What am I waiting for?

Denial vs. Blow Job

2007-01-14T21:34:00.000-05:00

Since Bill Clinton was in office all you ever hear is how the country was better off with him as president then we have ever been with Bush. Only half of that is right - Clinton was the beginning of the end, and Bush has just brought it all to another level. Tonight 60 Minutes had an exclusive interview with the President, and after watching I can now officially say the man is the ace of Dick Heads.

http://www.cbsnews.com/sections/i_video/main500251.shtml?id=2358365n

Not only did he avoid key answers to questions asked of him, his pride seeped out of his every word. Though he began to show a "softer side" it all seemed like an incredible act to further his ploy; not to mention he's in the wrong job - he can't even handle watching his own enemy die. What the hell is that!? The one man who was the foundation for his excuse to keep our troops over there in the first place, and he at the moment of true victory chooses to listen then to his gut?! If he is so afraid of our enemies coming over here and attacking, it would be in his best interest to help them understand just how serious he wants them to believe we are. What he couldn't say because of his enormous ego, was that our enemies honestly laugh at us and see us as the ultimate target - not a true threat. We have proven that over and over...and over.

We are constantly living up to the term, "Fat Lazy Americans" and it will take an act of true out side the box thinking to shift the paradigm of the world. And just so we set the record straight, contrary to any kind of influence Ms. Congeniality might have had on Mr. Bush, we will never realistically achieve world peace.

Congratulations, Mom & Dad, it's a man!

2007-01-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

Mom, I know you will appreciate this one - check out that gorgeous smile!

Ok so he wears fuzzy slippers around the kitchen while cooking Martha Stewart style...He's really good with a gun, and he makes me laugh - Daddy, can I ...pleeeeas!

congratulations, it's a Dr!

Luv you Mom, but bad boys are hot!

You can pay for my medical bills!

sorry Dad, your still my second favorite hero :)

Quote

2006-11-03T12:46:00.000-05:00

"Never does the human soul appear so strong and noble as when it forgoes revenge and dares to forgive injury." -Edwin Hubbel Chapin

Buttprints in the Sand

2006-10-22T00:12:00.000-04:00

One night I had a wondrous dream. One set of footprints there were seen. The footprints of my precious God, But mine along the shore were not. But then some stranger prints appeared, I asked God, what have we here? Those prints are large and round and neat, But God, they are too big for feet. 'My child,' He said in somber tones. For miles I carried you alone. I challenged you to walk in faith, But you refused and made me wait. You disobeyed, you would not grow. The walk of faith you would not know. So I got tired, I got fed up, And there I dropped you on your butt. Because in life there comes a time, When one must rise and take a stand...
or leave their buttprints in the sand.'

Joel 2

2006-10-07T13:33:00.000-04:00

1 انْفُخُوا بِالْبُوقِ فِي صِهْيَوْنَ، وَأَطْلِقُوا نَفِيرَ الإِنْذَارِ فِي جَبَلِ قُدْسِي، وَلْيَرْتَعِدْ جَمِيعُ سُكَّانِ الأَرْضِ، لأَنَّ يَوْمَ الرَّبِّ مُقْبِلٌ وَقَدْ بَاتَ وَشِيكاً.
2 هُوَ يَوْمُ ظُلْمَةٍ وَتَجَهُّمٍ، يَوْمُ غُيُومٍ مُكْفَهِرَّةٍ وَقَتَامٍ دَامِسٍ،فِيهِ تَزْحَفُ أُمَّةٌ قَوِيَّةٌ وَعَظِيمَةٌ كَمَا يَزْحَفُ الظَّلامُ عَلَى الْجِبَالِ، أُمَّةٌ لَمْ يَكُنْ لَهَا شَبِيهٌ فِي سَالِفِ الزَّمَانِ، وَلَنْ يَكُونَ لَهَا نَظِيرٌ مِنْ بَعْدِهَا عَبْرَ سِنِي الأَجْيَالِ.
3 تَلْتَهِمُ النَّارُ مَا أَمَامَهَا، وَيُحْرِقُ اللهِيبُ مَا خَلْفَهَا. الأَرْضُ قُدَّامَهَا كَجَنَّةِ عَدْنٍ، وَخَلْفَهَا صَحْرَاءُ مُوْحِشَةٌ، وَلاَ شَيْءَ يَنْجُو مِنْهَا.
4 مَنْظَرُهُمْ كَالْخُيُولِ، وَكَأَفْرَاسِ الْحَرْبِ يَرْكُضُونَ.
5 يَثِبُونَ عَلَى رُؤُوسِ الْجِبَالِ فِي جَلَبَةٍ كَجَلَبَةِ الْمَرْكَبَاتِ، كَفَرْقَعَةِ لَهِيبِ نَارٍ يَلْتَهِمُ الْقَشَّ، وَكَجَيْشٍ عَاتٍ مُصْطَفٍّ لِلْقِتَالِ.
6 تَنْتَابُ الرِّعْدَةُ مِنْهُمْ جَمِيعَ الشُّعُوبِ وَتَشْحَبُ كُلُّ الْوُجُوهِ.
7 يَنْدَفِعُونَ كَالْجَبَابِرَةِ وَكَرِجَالِ الْحَرْبِ يَتَسَلَّقُونَ السُّورَ، وَكُلٌّ مِنْهُمْ يَزْحَفُ فِي طَرِيقِهِ لاَ يَحِيدُ عَنْ سَبِيلِهِ.
8 لاَ يُزَاحِمُ بَعْضُهُمْ بَعْضاً. بَلْ يَتَقَدَّمُ كُلٌّ مِنْهُمْ فِي طَرِيقِهِ. يَنْسَلُّونَ بَيْنَ الأَسْلِحَةِ مِنْ غَيْرِ أَنْ يَتَوَقَّفُوا.
9 يَنْقَضُّونَ عَلَى الْمَدِينَةِ وَيَتَوَاثَبُونَ فَوْقَ الأَسْوَارِ، يَتَسَلَّقُونَ الْبُيُوتَ وَيَتَسَلَّلُونَ مِنَ الْكُوَى كَاللِّصِّ.
10 تَرْتَعِدُ الأَرْضُ أَمَامَهُمْ وَتَرْجُفُ السَّمَاءُ، تُظْلِمُ الشَّمْسُ وَالْقَمَرُ، وَتَكُفُّ الْكَوَاكِبُ عَنِ الضِّيَاءِ.
11 يَجْهَرُ الرَّبُّ بِصَوْتِهِ فِي مُقَدَّمَةِ جَيْشِهِ لأَنَّ جُنْدَهُ لاَ يُحْصَى لَهُمْ عَدَدٌ، وَمَنْ يُنَفِّذُ أَمْرَهُ يَكُونُ مُقْتَدِراً، لأَنَّ يَوْمَ الرَّبِّ عَظِيمٌ وَمُخِيفٌ جِدّاً، فَمَنْ يَتَحَمَّلُهُ؟
12 وَالآنَ، يَقُولُ الرَّبُّ: ارْجِعُوا إِلَيَّ مِنْ كُلِّ قُلُوبِكُمْ بِصَوْمٍ وَبُكَاءٍ وَنَوْحٍ.
13 مَزِّقُوا قُلُوبَكُمْ لاَ ثِيَابَكُمْ. ارْجِعُوا إِلَى الرَّبِّ إِلَهِكُمْ لأَنَّهُ رَؤُوفٌ وَرَحِيمٌ بَطِيءُ الْغَضَبِ وَكَثِيرُ الرَّأْفَةِ، وَلاَ يُسَرُّ بِالْعِقَابِ.
14 لَعَلَّهُ يَرْجِعُ وَيَكُفُّ عَنِ الْعِقَابِ مُخْلِفاً وَرَاءَهُ بَرَكَةً: تَقْدِمَةَ دَقِيقٍ وَتَقْدِمَةَ سَكِيبٍ لِتُقَرِّبُوهُمَا لِلرَّبِّ إِلَهِكُمْ.
15 انْفُخُوا بِالْبُوقِ فِي صِهْيَوْنَ، وَقَدِّسُوا صَوْماً، وَنَادُوا لِمَحْفَلٍ مُقَدَّسٍ.
16 اجْمَعُوا الشَّعْبَ، قَدِّسُوا الْجَمَاعَةَ، احْشُدُوا الشُّيُوخَ وَالأَوْلادَ وَالرُّضَّعَ. لِيُغَادِرِ الْعَرِيسُ مُخْدَعَهُ وَالْعَرُوسُ حُجْرَتَهَا.
17 لِيَبْكِ الْكَهَنَةُ خُدَّامُ الرَّبِّ بَيْنَ الرُّوَاقِ وَالْمَذْبَحِ قَائِلِينَ: «اعْفُ عَنْ شَعْبِكَ يَارَبُّ وَلاَ تَجْعَلْ مِيرَاثَكَ مَثَارَ احْتِقَارٍ وَهُزْءٍ بَيْنَ الأُمَمِ، فَيَقُولُوا بَيْنَ الشُّعُوبِ: أَيْنَ إِلَهُهُمْ؟»
18 عِنْدَئِذٍ يَغَارُ الرَّبُّ عَلَى أَرْضِهِ ويَرِقُّ لِشَعْبِهِ.
19 وَيُجِيبُهُمْ قَائِلاً: هَا أَنَا أُنْعِمُ عَلَيْكُمْ بِالْحِنْطَةِ وَالْخَمْرَةِ وَالزَّيْتِ فَتَشْبَعُونَ مِنْهَا، وَلاَ أَجْعَلُكُمْ مِنْ بَعْدُ عَاراً بَيْنَ الأُمَمِ.
20 سَأَطْرُدُ عَنْكُمُ الشِّمَالِيَّ، وَأَطُوِّحُ بِهِ إِلَى أَرْضٍ مُقْفِرَةٍ مُوْحِشَةٍ فَتَكُونُ طَلِيعَتُهُ فِي الْبَحْرِ الْمَيْتِ وَمُؤَخِّرَتُهُ فِي الْبَحْرِ الأَبْيَضِ، فَتَمْلأُ رَائِحَةُ نَتَنِهِ وَعُفُونَتِهِ الْفَضَاءَ، لأَنَّهُ قَدِ ارْتَكَبَ الْكَبَائِرَ.
21 لاَ تَخَافِي أَيَّتُهَا الأَرْضُ، ابْتَهِجِي وَافْرَحِي لأَنَّ الرَّبَّ قَدْ صَنَعَ عَظَائِمَ.
22 لاَ تَخَافِي يَابَهَائِمَ الْحَقْلِ، لأَنَّ مَرَاعِيَ الْبَرِّ قَدْ أَضْحَتْ خَضْرَاءَ، وَالأَشْجَارَ بَاتَتْ مُثَقَّلَةً بِالثِّمَارِ، وَشَجَرَةَ التِّينِ وَالْكَرْمَةَ تَجُودَانِ بِنِتَاجِهِمَا.
23 افْرَحُوا يَاأَبْنَاءَ صِهْيَوْنَ، ابْتَهِجُوا بِالرَّبِّ إِلَهِكُمْ لأَنَّهُ أَنْعَمَ عَلَيْكُمْ بِفَضْلِ صَلاَحِهِ بِأَمْطَارِ الْخَرِيفِ، وَسَكَبَ عَلَيْكُمُ الْغَيْثَ الْمُبَكِّرَ وَالْمُتَأَخِّرَ بِغَزَارَةٍ، كَالسَّابِقِ.
24 فَتَمْتَلِيءُ الْبَيَادِرُ بِأَكْوَامِ الْقَمْحِ، وَتَتَدَفَّقُ الْمَعَاصِرُ بِالْخَمْرَةِ وَالزَّيْتِ.
25 وَأُعَوِّضُكُمْ عَنْ مَحَاصِيلِ السِّنِينَ الَّتِي الْتَهَمَهَا الْجَرَادُ وَالْجَنْدُبُ وَالطَّيَّارُ وَالْقَمَصُ، جَيْشِي الْعَظِيمُ الَّذِي أَطْلَقْتُهُ عَلَيْكُمْ.
26 فَتَأْكُلُونَ بِوَفْرَةٍ وَتَشْبَعُونَ وَتُسَبِّحُونَ اسْمَ الرَّبِّ إِلَهِكُمُ الَّذِي أَجْرَى لَكُمُ الْعَجَائِبَ، وَلَنْ يَخْزَى شَعْبِي ثَانِيَةً.
27 فَتُدْرِكُونَ أَنِّي فِي وَسَطِ إِسْرَائِيلَ، وَأَنِّي أَنَا هُوَ الرَّبُّ إِلَهُكُمْ وَلَيْسَ غَيْرِي، وَلَنْ يَخْزَى شَعْبِي ثَانِيَةً.
28 ثُمَّ أَسْكُبُ رُوحِي عَلَى كُلِّ بَشَرٍ، فَيَتَنَبَّأُ أَبْنَاؤُكُمْ وَبَنَاتُكُمْ، وَيَحْلَمُ شُيُوخُكُمْ أَحْلاماً وَيَرَى شَبَابُكُمْ رًُؤى.
29 وَأَسْكُبُ فِي تِلْكَ الأَيَّامِ أَيْضاً رُوحِي عَلَى الْعَبِيدِ وَالإِمَاءِ.
30 وَأُجْرِي آيَاتٍ فِي السَّمَاءِ وَعَلَى الأَرْضِ، دَماً وَنَاراً وَأَعْمِدَةَ دُخَانٍ.
31 وَتَتَحَوَّلُ الشَّمْسُ إِلَى ظَلاَمٍ، وَالْقَمَرُ إِلَى دَمٍ، قَبْلَ مَجِيءِ يَوْمِ الرَّبِّ الْعَظِيمِ الْمُخِيفِ.
32 إِنَّمَا كُلُّ مَنْ يَدْعُو بِاسْمِ الرَّبِّ يَخْلُصُ، لأَنَّ النَّجَاةَ تَكُونُ فِي جَبَلِ صِهْيَوْنَ وَفِي أُورُشَلِيمَ، كَمَا قَالَ الرَّبُّ، إِذْ يَكُونُ بَيْنَ النَّاجِينَ مَنْ يَدْعُوهُ الرَّبُّ.

Quote

2006-09-25T01:32:00.000-04:00

"Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks..."

your braking my heart...

2006-06-19T01:30:00.000-04:00

There have been so many time when I wish I could take everyone I know who hurts and heal them. However, me being puny and weak, I know its number one, not my place, and not in my power that this could ever happen. There is a pain lingering that could possibly be healed and won’t be because I chose not to let myself forget.

I read my brothers blog today, he has no idea I have. Mom came over to use the lap top and left his wife-to-be's link on my browser. Having curiosity the size of TX I couldn't help but do a little searching. For a long time we have had no contact with each other beyond maybe a quick afternoon or hello out of politeness. So I wanted badly to see into the mind of someone I barely know anymore. I'm so disappointed.

There was so much talent in his posts, and so much potential. Everything he's chosen to write about is heartfelt and somewhat justified. However, nothing about it was without a motive of anger and pain. There was no patience in his writing, no empathy for anyone but himself. The only time he complimented someone was when referring to a friend he might possibly cut a record with. Maybe the blog is where he vents his frustration to get it out of his system, and that's not how he really speaks to those people. My better judgment knows this is a pipe dream on my part. Considering the source, and understanding different angles, it's unlikely he has any compassion; save only for his beloved cat. Everything else is out of fear, anger, and possibly motivated by pain.

On his girlfriends list of things that makes her laugh he doesn't even make number 10. No where on his blog do I see her name or anything pertaining to her. He asks those he considers friends to call, and somehow I get the feeling some of the writing is meant to impress those same friends. For some reason when I read the blog, something evil in my wanted to be like that. It wasn't a pure sensation, but one filled with guilt, resentment, and envy. I've never felt something like that before, and it was freaking me out so bad I cried over it. The same feeling came over me when I read his girlfriends posts; though not in the same way nor to the same degree. The feeling was matched by a sense of inadequacy, and complete failure.

Someday, maybe...I'll know why that is. Someday, maybe, I'll know what went wrong.

Look a little deeper

2006-02-26T22:49:00.000-05:00

I beat my breast, cut out my tongue,
Blind my eyes, and bind my hands,
Make my bare feet walk on broken glass,
Scourge my back with lines deep enough to tell of my pain,
Deface me and make me a mangled mess,
That I might testify of the horror that is my life,

You can not tell because I am beautiful,
Look a little deeper, and peer into my eyes,
Long enough to find the agony if you dare,
I’m in no condition to expose it myself, so I wait,
Always patiently, never seeing my labor bear fruit,
Always wondering if it made a difference,

Never knowing if the love is real,
Be compassionate; fuck me with your right hand,
That I might be shown mercy where I can find none in him,
Because I chose not to see, or have no eyes to use,
To understand that which everyone else already knows,

Call me what you wish, but I know what I am,
And I am more ashamed then you could ever be of me,
I have no love to give, no longer patients to wait,
No faith to believe, nor hope to long,

Still I am alive and yet not truly living,
I am dead but not in the glory of my God,
Nor in the absence of His presence,
Which my personal hell seems to mimic,

I do not cut so you don’t see the scars,
I do not burn so you won’t find a fire to put out,
Ache hides itself well behind a smile of innocence,
So I am completely masked by everything I hate,

And no one is the wiser, though they might claim to be,
And even those who know dare not walk such unstable ground,
For who knows when it might give way to pride and anger,
The rage which is my very vengeance struck silently upon my world,

I am a hore unto myself, ravaged, marred, and jaded,
I was stolen away from my lovers chambers,
Long before I was of age
When Icould bring Him pleasure I too could comprehend,

Now desolate I beg myself to retreat back to the love I’ve known,
But none of me will have it, and those who fight against me glory,
They are amused at my defenseless attitude,
They know nothing of real love, but only hate and lust,

They sit as pawns for another’s gain, perverted,
Selfishly lashing out violence, hate and murder,
Before the word is given for them to go, they are egger,

I do not know what I long for, because whatever it may be
I have yet to experience it, so I continue to wait,
What seems endless hours of aching pain and needless suffering,

The same pains come back time and again,
They remind me they own me, they are my security,
And I do not fight them, for they are all I know,
But still the longing grows, and suddenly it is too big for me to handle,

So I begin to fight it believing it will overtake me,
It will engulf me, swallowing me whole, and leaving
Nothing of me behind for me to discover;
But isn’t that what I need, to be completely lost?

Iris

2005-11-28T16:23:00.000-05:00

How I wish I could wipe your tears,
And kiss your face,
And hold you close
But I’m miles away.

And how I want to
Break this bind,
And travel time,
To find you finding comfort.

Iris, broken at the stem,
Bleeding petals of regret;
And holding burdens in,

Don’t let them see,
Never let them win;
They will only leave …
And the hurt will come again,

Picking you like heads of grain,
Here you stay in fear;
the hope of Redemption gone,
You cried that it would leave,
And now grieve over its release,

How awful I to think you fickle,
How stupid I to think you wrong,
For Iris you are perfect!
Not a blemish on you falls,

Now weep dear one,
Weep deeply for this loss,
Who was I to take the hope away?
Abide in me, confide in me,
Believe in me and pray?
And hope will be restored to you again,

Take your cross you lazy sinner,
Be oh ever shamed!
For who are you to take the time
God gave His son to save?

To this you were called,
To this end will it be…
From now till forever
No retaliation here only sweet surrender,
Be ever, Iris, this burden in me stay,

2003copyright©

Much too Relentless

2005-11-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

Violet blood sprinkled to make the flowers grow,
Weeds removed so you don't choke,
Being safer finds you bitter,
Desire of darkness makes cravings sweeter,

Nail beds mutilated and covered in rot,
Wrinkles in their fine line ways,
Creeping the thought of tired age,
And here you are regressing,

I'm too relentless with you love,
Never let go, never letting up,
Pushing you to the braking point,
Bend you over and have my way,

So you can't see the truth laying hidden underneath,
I will scar you terribly,
You left your mark on me,
Now I will not go away,

Hold up your candle high and beg,
Cry and tare your clothes,
Find no comfort in passions of old,
I am wounded deeply,

Why do you seek for something you may never find?
Why believe only the faithful will be faithful?
Is not faithfulness a practice learned?
Tell me then why rejection is all I'm good for?

2005copyright©

"You Have Many Wounds My Lady"

2005-11-07T22:46:00.000-05:00

citrus colored skis cover a bleeding city
and I rise from a mountain to glance at its beauty
knowing full well about its adultery
and understanding what it means to let it go

you beckon me sparing me on to your goal
but not mine - God forbid
but there I go sparing you on to follow
and I misleading myself because of you

so is my refuge torment Sad...Empty.

the promise

2005-10-26T22:48:00.000-05:00

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in his excellent Word!

What more can he say than to you he hath said,

to you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed,

For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;

I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters,

I call thee to go,The rivers of sorrow, shall not overflow;

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,My grace,

all sufficient, shall be thy supply; The flamed shall not hurt thee;

I only design Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose,

I will not, I will not desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I’ll never, no, never, no, never, forsake!

...So

2005-10-26T21:17:00.000-05:00

So I wept, bitterly, angrily, knowing full well all that lay inside me, knowing I had kept myself running from it far longer then I first intended.
Here I sit, knowing full well the price due for such a revelation, the truth now known, has need of action, and of that I am greatly lacking; not because of desire, but because of lost direction. It is well with me that I have never spoken, because most words uttered out of my mouth have been lies. My heart is evil and wants justice and vengeance, and not grace; but only for myself. I am the one who is to be pitied, to be feared, not mocked or proven wrong by simple arguments of pointless matters. There is nothing remotely healthy about living two lives pretending to be two people, knowing you are only one of them, and yet both. So I wept. Perhaps for the emotion of it, the share thrill of knowing I can make myself dissolve with tears. Though I prefer to believe it was genuine. Even if my heart is evil, none the less, my spirit is still pure – it has just been slowly dying. And so I come to my revelation that all I believed is true, and all I have suffered is real, and all I am is walking contradictions; one after another after another…
So I am ashamed. Not because I am not the same as them, but because I am.
I am ashamed at them and ‘they’ and ‘me’, and ‘I’ we are all alike; and the only true difference between the both of us is that I see it and ‘they’ and ‘them’ do not.

So I choke.
For very long, I have eaten their bitter food, their old wine, and have endured it. Longer then most I have blamed me for my problems and them for theirs, and have finally realize I was right and am now with no charge against their wrongs. So I get up and go as a hunter to the kitchen for some food. Hoping then, that when I return to this broken piece of musing, that it will have satisfied its purpose and I can go on believing I don’t feel the pain. Because though I try my best, all is my suffering ocean of tears; and I the island proudly in the center guiding those I hate safely by me. Using every current as a tool for my own bidding, and never doubting once I am in full power over this pain called death.

Character

2005-10-14T14:06:00.000-05:00

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

2005-10-14T01:00:00.000-05:00

testing 123

Submit, Resist, Draw Near.

VOM Update

Lovely!

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Because I'm Worth It

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Congratulations, Mom & Dad, it's a man!

Quote

*Buttprints in the Sand *

Joel 2

Quote

your braking my heart...

Look a little deeper

Iris

Much too Relentless

"You Have Many Wounds My Lady"

the promise

...So

Character

Buttprints in the Sand