I remember when I broke up with my boyfriend, the first thing I could think of to say was, "I'm sorry, you and I are just not right for each other." His reply was a smirk and a sigh, and there was a long pause before he finally said - "Ya know, you are a pro. It feels like you have done this before." I never knew how to respond to that. Logging into my email today, this article caught my eye and reading it brought back a flood of memories I'm not sure I was ready for.

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=7132&TrackingID=516311&BannerID=544657&menuid=6&GT1=8953

How do you know if you loved someone? I was definitely not ready to die for this person, and honestly thought at some point he might shed his skin and reveal the demon boy he'd been hiding for weeks. I do know the pain of me braking up with him hurt more then if he had said, "its over." He was mortified that I was the girl dumping the guy, and he said plainly he had never been so embarrassed. We sat on a bench by the river, waiting for another couple and their dogs to leave so we could talk. He knew what was coming; the tension in the air voiced that loud and clear. I found out later, he had planned to brake up with me after semesters end; I had obviously beaten him to the punch - and only one week after we celebrated our 40 day anniversary.

I'm not sure why, but by the time I was ready to brake up with him I was also ready to kill the guy. He reminded me too much of my Dad, we were so much alike that it was freaky, and everything he did seemed to get under my skin; I can't imagine how he felt about me.

One of the points in the article was to have a breakup buddy...I never did. That would have helped in a huge way. My heart was definitely smashed, hell I can't even right this without holding back tears. There hasn't been a day in two years that I haven't played some aspect of our relationship in my head, just for review, for analysis sake. That fact has raised the question about rebound relationships; are they right, should they even happen...is it fair to the other person? I've been pondering this for almost a year trying to figure out if it's a viable option. In the meanwhile, I've stayed as far away from men as possible in the event that I might slip and wake up some place I shouldn't be. Aside from moral right and wrong, where is the line drawn between finding consolation and remaining tormented over a possible love you can't let go of? Post-semi bad relationship, what are the rules for getting off the bench and back on the field?

There is a scene in the move, "Something’s Gotta Give," - which by the way got me through the ice cream and tissue stage of the brake up - where the daughter and mother are sitting on the beach stairs; I personally call the scene, "Taking advice."

Daughter Marin: "So now you get my theory about love? You gotta self protect."

Mom: Erica: "Do you really believe all that bull shit you say? Listen to me... you cannot hide from love for the rest of your life because maybe it won't work out and maybe you'll become unglued. That's not a way to live"

Marin: So you're telling me you're happy right now? This is good what happened to you?

Erica: "No. This was bad. But for the three days it was good, it was electrifying. I think you must consider the possibility that we are more alike than you realize. I let someone in and I had the time of my life.

Marin: (tearful) "I've never had the time of my life."

Erica: "I know bubbee, I say this from the deepest part of my heart. ...what... are you waiting for?"

What am I waiting for?